What if leadership wasn’t just about control or command?
What if the strongest kind of leadership we could practice — especially as black men navigating this world — was inner leadership? Not over others. But over ourselves.
I'm talking about the kind of leadership that shows up not just in boardrooms or on the block, but in the living room, in the bedroom, in moments of silence, in the mirror.
The kind that can improve our relationships with our families. Our women. Our children. Our communities. And ultimately — with ourselves.
Let me say this clearly: I’m speaking directly to my brothers because, whether we like it or not, the sanity of our community is deeply tied to the sanity of black men. When we are grounded, present, and whole, everything around us shifts — our households, our children, our streets, our future.
And here’s the truth: the driver of this new form of leadership is love.
Not the soft, performative kind. But the kind that requires courage. The kind that demands truth. The kind that starts with how we treat ourselves and spills into how we show up for others.
Inner leadership is choosing clarity over confusion, stillness over spiraling, presence over panic. It’s saying, "We're not putting our lives on pause for anybody — but we are pressing pause on the chaos we've been carrying."
It’s not about waiting for someone else to change. It’s about becoming the kind of men we already know we’re capable of being:
calm,
grounded,
loving without being needy,
clear without being cold.
It’s saying:
"I want to love without fear. I want to give without losing myself. I want to breathe, not beg."
My brothers, this kind of love — this kind of leadership — either draws the right people closer or gives us peace when they don't show up.
Because here’s the truth: sometimes we give our energy and it changes nothing. And sometimes, giving our energy changes us. And that shift is enough.
Set your own boundary. Not to limit your love — but to contain your clarity. This is our season of discipline. Our space to lead with purpose. Our time to rise without chasing.
We don’t need to announce it. Just walk it. Quietly. Steadily. On purpose.
And if the season ends and things haven’t changed around us, we won’t leave broken. Because we didn’t abandon ourselves to love someone else. We stayed present. We stayed solid.
So yes, my brothers. Lead from within. Breathe. Love with truth. And watch who you become in the process.
We need more of that kind of man. And he already lives in you. Because if we don’t lead ourselves now, someone else will. And the cost will be more than personal — it will be generational.
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Dr. Tim Goler is Associate Professor of Sociology and Urban Affairs at Norfolk State University. He also serves as the Director of Research at NSU’s Center for African American Public Policy. A native Clevelander, he hails from the city’s Glenville neighborhood and is co-founder of PolicyBridge.
